I’ve been renovating my house – living room, kitchen, bathrooms, hallway – the works. It’s been chaotic, exciting, and, as it turns out, unexpectedly revealing in ways I never anticipated.
Today, I realized something strange. I haven’t seen my own face in days.
All the mirrors are gone—either tossed into the dumpster or safely packed away. Even on Zoom calls, I hit “hide self-view,” so I don’t even catch a glimpse of myself there. And wow—it’s disorienting not having that familiar reflection.
It’s made me think about something deeper – how as human beings, mirroring is fundamental to how we experience ourselves.
From childhood, we learn who we are through the reflections offered by parents, teachers, and mentors. Ideally, those mirrors reflect back our worth, brilliance, and potential. But often, those reflections are distorted by the unresolved conditioning of others—leaving us with internalized messages of inadequacy and unworthiness.
Today’s neuroscience offers insight into how this process is wired into our biology through what are called mirror neurons. These specialized neurons fire not just when we perform an action, but when we observe someone else performing that action. It’s how we naturally attune to others’ emotions, intentions, and behaviors. From infancy, mirror neurons help us learn through imitation—absorbing not just actions but the emotional energy behind them.
Let’s think about this in the context of our clients. If a child grew up in an environment where caregivers reflected anxiety, shame, or conditional worthiness, their mirror neurons encoded that as part of their sense of self. It becomes an internalized loop, long after the original “mirror” is gone. It shapes the way they reflect themselves to themselves.
It’s a powerful exploration with a client—when they’re ready for it—to ask:
“How did your father see you?”
“How did your mother see you?”
Through such reflections, clients can begin to gently recognize that those perceptions may not have much to do with who they truly are. They start to see that the reflections they’ve carried were shaped by their caregivers’ own conditioning, fears, and distortions. They’re echoes of someone else’s narrative, passed down through generations, reinforced by experiences, and embedded in the client’s nervous system.
It’s like realizing you’ve been looking into a funhouse mirror your whole life—believing the warped image was the truth.
This is where the work as a Conscious EFT practitioner becomes life-changing.
As practitioners, we support clients in clearing those distortions, redefining their internal mirror, and reconnecting with the truth of who they are.
When we create a space of genuine presence, acceptance, and attunement, we’re not just offering emotional support—we’re literally providing a new, healthier reflection for their nervous system.
I’m reminded of the impactful question by author Toni Morrison in a conversation with Oprah:
“Do your eyes light up when your child enters the room?”
When I first read that thirty odd years ago, I had to pause and release a lot of grief. That wasn’t my experience growing up. I don’t have body memories of a caregiver’s eyes lighting up when I entered the room. But that moment became a turning point in my life as a parent. I made a vow: I will do whatever inner work is necessary so that when my child walks into the room, he will see his mother’s eyes light up.
And here’s what’s profound: that vow wasn’t just about my child – it was about me.
To offer my child a clear mirror, I had to clear my own self reflection. I had to face the inherited distortions within me, the fears and threat responses that clouded not just how I saw him, but how I saw myself.
This is exactly what you’re holding space for with your clients.
You are that clear mirror for them. You reflect back their Truth until their internal mirror is clear enough for them to see it for themselves. You help them feel seen, heard, and deeply accepted, by themselves. And as they begin to integrate that clarity, something miraculous happens.
The world starts to mirror them differently.
As clients raise the quality of their internal safety, their external experiences shift. They begin to attract relationships—friends, colleagues, mentors – who reflect their brilliance, truth, and wisdom. Their nervous system settles, and they no longer resonate with distorted mirrors. Instead, they seek—and find—reflections that are in alignment with who they really are.
This temporary absence of mirrors in my house has been a gift, a reminder that my role as a practitioner is fundamentally to offer the clearest reflection of my client that I possibly can.
Because while we often think of healing as an inward journey (and it is), it’s also about being mirrored differently – first by you, the practitioner, then by the client themselves and eventually by life itself.
Thank you for being that clear mirror for your clients. It’s sacred work, and it changes lives.
Reflectively,
Nancy